The Rise and Fall of Addiction.

     I have done lots of stupid things while drunk or high.  It would be impossible for me to list them all (or even remember most of them) on a single blog entry.  I feel so depressed sometimes when I have flashbacks to insanely stupid stuff I said or did while I was out of my mind.

     I remember I was always the guy at a bar or party who was messed up.  I was always the guy everyone had stories about and laughed at.  "Oh you!".  Everyone liked me, I was always a fairly amicable guy (or so I thought).  I remember one time I went to the bathroom while completely wasted on an apartment balcony... I passed out halfway through and was sitting down with my "junk" hanging out for everyone who walked out of the apartment complex to see (at least 25 people walked by).  I only remember it vaguely but it is terribly frightening to remember.  They all just laughed, nobody really cared.  It was a humiliating experience and it could have been much worse depending on the situation.

     I posted these Steve-O videos because I always felt like him.  I always tried to impress people with crazy antics.  I wasn't that kind of kid growing up, but after I found drugs and alcohol I always loved being the center of attention.  I would continue to use when I was alone and by myself sometimes just to hide the shame of the embarrassing things I did the night before.

     I take this all as a learning lesson though.  I don't sit and wallow in my own regrets and misery.  I get up every time I fall down, and move right the hell on.  I don't let people's opinions of me hold me back.  I'm not the goof ball they saw me as.  I'm not the man they think I am... ("I'm a Rocket man!").  I hope others can relate to this because sometimes I really do feel like a jerk (much like Steve-O).  Comment if you feel the urge, let me know if you know people like this (I'm sure we've all seen many).  Cheers.