Monday, February 14, 2011
The Rise and Fall of Addiction.
I have done lots of stupid things while drunk or high. It would be impossible for me to list them all (or even remember most of them) on a single blog entry. I feel so depressed sometimes when I have flashbacks to insanely stupid stuff I said or did while I was out of my mind.
I remember I was always the guy at a bar or party who was messed up. I was always the guy everyone had stories about and laughed at. "Oh you!". Everyone liked me, I was always a fairly amicable guy (or so I thought). I remember one time I went to the bathroom while completely wasted on an apartment balcony... I passed out halfway through and was sitting down with my "junk" hanging out for everyone who walked out of the apartment complex to see (at least 25 people walked by). I only remember it vaguely but it is terribly frightening to remember. They all just laughed, nobody really cared. It was a humiliating experience and it could have been much worse depending on the situation.
I posted these Steve-O videos because I always felt like him. I always tried to impress people with crazy antics. I wasn't that kind of kid growing up, but after I found drugs and alcohol I always loved being the center of attention. I would continue to use when I was alone and by myself sometimes just to hide the shame of the embarrassing things I did the night before.
I take this all as a learning lesson though. I don't sit and wallow in my own regrets and misery. I get up every time I fall down, and move right the hell on. I don't let people's opinions of me hold me back. I'm not the goof ball they saw me as. I'm not the man they think I am... ("I'm a Rocket man!"). I hope others can relate to this because sometimes I really do feel like a jerk (much like Steve-O). Comment if you feel the urge, let me know if you know people like this (I'm sure we've all seen many). Cheers.