Monday, February 14, 2011

The Rise and Fall of Addiction.


     I have done lots of stupid things while drunk or high.  It would be impossible for me to list them all (or even remember most of them) on a single blog entry.  I feel so depressed sometimes when I have flashbacks to insanely stupid stuff I said or did while I was out of my mind.

     I remember I was always the guy at a bar or party who was messed up.  I was always the guy everyone had stories about and laughed at.  "Oh you!".  Everyone liked me, I was always a fairly amicable guy (or so I thought).  I remember one time I went to the bathroom while completely wasted on an apartment balcony... I passed out halfway through and was sitting down with my "junk" hanging out for everyone who walked out of the apartment complex to see (at least 25 people walked by).  I only remember it vaguely but it is terribly frightening to remember.  They all just laughed, nobody really cared.  It was a humiliating experience and it could have been much worse depending on the situation.

     I posted these Steve-O videos because I always felt like him.  I always tried to impress people with crazy antics.  I wasn't that kind of kid growing up, but after I found drugs and alcohol I always loved being the center of attention.  I would continue to use when I was alone and by myself sometimes just to hide the shame of the embarrassing things I did the night before.

     I take this all as a learning lesson though.  I don't sit and wallow in my own regrets and misery.  I get up every time I fall down, and move right the hell on.  I don't let people's opinions of me hold me back.  I'm not the goof ball they saw me as.  I'm not the man they think I am... ("I'm a Rocket man!").  I hope others can relate to this because sometimes I really do feel like a jerk (much like Steve-O).  Comment if you feel the urge, let me know if you know people like this (I'm sure we've all seen many).  Cheers.

26 comments:

  1. quite common though i dont know if it is a result of drugs or alchol or just this type of acting out is magnified by completly removing the internal limiter on what you should do.

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  2. Ive felt like this myself before man.

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  3. That's what happens when people put drugs in their body, not being able to remember and doing things you regret. I'unno. You got me thinking now lol

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  4. He has supposedly found sobriety. Whether or not that is true only him and his family would know.

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  5. Interesting that you compare yourself to steve o and you call yourself and him out on the attention thing.

    Glad to see you are making things work man!

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  6. It's reassuring to see that you can overcome these addictions. Steve O is a major douchebag, but he's shown a lot of strength getting past this.

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  7. Good on you for not letting yourself succumb to self pity. You know, You should pick up Dave Navarro's book "Don't Try This At Home" It is his autobiography and it goes into pretty deep detail on his road to recovery/sobriety.

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  8. Great to hear this, you're very strong!

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  9. Keep up staying clean bro. Im sure its hard to do.

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  10. its crazy that Steve-O is now a pretty good role model

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  11. I remember being really surprised at those Steve-o videos. Like...I knew he was messed, but it was a side of him that really hit hard to see.

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  12. Wow.. Steve-O doing a line of something that came out the the microwave, them immediately saying "whoops" made me laugh. Am I a bad person?

    Seriously, drugs are crazy, and they can take anyone to a dark place. Good to see that your staying clean.

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  13. I hate remembering stupid stuff ive done. Its painful. And always embarrasing. Good post.

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  14. i can't even list all of the stupid things i've done when i was drunk either, i remember i freaked right out and dashed home from a party the first time i got high

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  15. glad you have a person to look towards too. they always help when you're down

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  16. Every single post is a hit after hit! Keep it up!

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  17. Dont be the steve-o's of your friends . You dont need to impress anybody .
    Even if you want to impress someone drugs are not the way .

    Being humilated is just being humilated nothing more nothing less .
    If you want to impress someone , accomplish something .
    Taking drugs is not a accomplishment , anybody can do that .
    Find something unique for you . That only you can do .

    -Happy valentines day

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  18. Seen these. Expected it from steve o haha

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  19. Realizing that those antics are more embarrassing than funny is all just a part of growing up. Everyone (hopefully) goes through it.

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  20. i feel like you just described me. ive been through some... not so proud of times too man. i feel your pain

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  21. You have already proved to be a step ahead by admitting that you had/have an addiction. Many people won't even take this first step. Good for you.

    I have seen the entire Steve-O documentary, and it was very sad to say the least.

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  22. Amazing... I am def going to add you to my morning coffee

    -Vampirefreaks -Prepare to be assimilated-

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  23. At least you're not doing that anymore and you're not praising your old ways as "cool." I'm sure they might make for some funny stories if told in a certain way, but ultimately they weren't.

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  24. Good stuff mate, really happy for you and glad you left it all behind now.

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